So yeah. This was a tough one for me. It is 100% my job to get better. Not my husband's, not my physician, energy healer, therapist, herbalist, friend, whom ever, not their job. It is mine.
During the anxiety years I cried so much that I swear it was amazing that I was not extremely dehydrated and in the hospital with a continuous IV to keep me going.. My eyes were in a perpetual state of puffiness and my spirit was so low that it felt heavy. I would scream through the tears to God every night and ask Him to please help me. At close to 100 pounds and 5'9" and only able to eat five different foods, I was sure I was dying. I would shake every waking moment with anxiety and panic attacks were multiple every day. Brain zaps, crazy thoughts, crashing head syndrome, hypnogogic hallucinations, and insomnia was my daily routine. I could not leave my home for months because I would react to everything around me. My cries to God included me whimpering "Why me?"
I went to every kind of person that I thought could fix me. I started with doctors and would be mad at them for not having the answers I needed to get well. And this began a many year's long journey of hunting for the very person that would be able to rid me of anxiety, allergies and chemical sensitivities. With each one I met, in time, I found them to be under educated and I judged their abilities in their profession. For if they could not heal me, well, they must not be that good. Right?
Wrong. They were perfect in their roles, it was me that needed an adjustment. I thought I was entitled to a healing of my condition and that the power to help me was in someone else's hands. It was when I stopped playing victim and started being an active participant in my healing that things began to turn around.
I am not saying that others cannot help you, in fact it is necessary. We need help, we need connection, we need others. I am, however, saying that it is you and you alone that needs to do the deep work to get well. No one in a cape is coming to your rescue. Well, maybe if you want to wear a cape, because it is you that helps you. So I began to do the deep work, addressing my nutritional needs, my beliefs and thinking, my grief and anger that needed to be released and getting out into nature and trying my best to live in the present moment.
It is not a difficult task to get well from anxiety, in fact it can be easy. I made it hard because I did not want to admit it was me that needed the adjustment. But when I did, life got so much better. And my prayers to God, even on a bad day changed from "Help Me" to "Thank You" because I learned all the healing is already here for us, we just have to believe and do what is needed to create the healing.
Make yourself the priority and the victor in your life. You got this.