When I first realized that my anxiety was more than just fleeting, that I actually had an anxiety condition, was when I was brought face to face with faith.
I can clearly remember the moment someone told me to put it all in God's hands. This was a cause for extreme anxiety for me. I actually can recall shaking for 24 hours straight (no exaggeration) worrying about this. Why? Because a large part of anxiety is control. And to relinquish control, to give it away, was a scary option. I believed that I had to hold it all. I guess I believed this because I thought if I held it all, then I had control over it. What I did not understand at the time is I really never had control.
To be honest, I was scared of God. I was also pretty mad at Him. But, I took the step to examine my relationship with Him. It began with me changing my religion. I thought God and my religion were synonymous. I thought by changing religions I was going to solve everything. My new church was amazing and welcoming. I learned so much about community and love. But I soon realized my church is not responsible for my relationship with God, I was. My church was a place to go to honor that relationship. But I still was not ready to give up control.
So, the next thing I did was to dive into learning more about God. I read the Bible. Not just the one I had, but I also read children versions, and books about the Bible. It is where I found my absolute favorite book, The 12 Gifts of Birth. I read and joined discussion groups in The Course of Miracles. I actually led discussion groups in my church to teach about this book. But even still I was not ready to fully give up control.
I began to listen to christian rock, and really liked it. The words were so uplifting and made me feel so incredible. The lyrics were in my mind when I felt a panic attack coming on. If the lyrics did not work, I would use scripture to help me overcome anxiety. I still have the crinkled piece of loose-leaf paper that has written upon it scripture to help me with fear, anxiety, frustration, sickness, depression.
Even with all of this, I held onto control. And after a few years trying to iron out my relationship with God, I finally understood to give up control, I needed to not just let go, but to get out of God's way. He had a plan, and it did not need my interference. My job was to accept and allow. This would take trust. This would take faith. Two things I had lost very early in life and without them I was a perfect candidate for anxiety. I realized that anxiety may have many spokes for why it is here (diet, hormones, habits etc) but there is a foundational reason that creates the environment for those spokes to take hold. And my reason was I did not trust and I had little faith.
In the past I would have tried to fix this myself, but in that moment, I asked God. No, I actually thanked God in advance for healing me from not just anxiety, but my lack of trust and faith. It was here, in this space of trust, that I felt a huge load be lifted from my shoulders. It was not a spontaneous healing. God had greater plans for me in the form of lessons, of interactions, of friendships and opportunity. I learned that anxiety was my gift. That because of it, I healed the wounds that created lack of trust and faith. I also was given the ability to write about it and help others. I finally gave up control. Well, I really never had it, but He waited patiently until I figured that out.
My faith game is strong. And because of that I am strong. It is not of me, but through me, that I have healed. No matter what you call God... love, the universe, source... it is the solid force that feeds you everything, that is always there for you, that loves you. Tap into that energy, that love, and be ready for miracles.
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Lucie Dickenson is successfully procastinating finding a publisher for her first novel, but hoping this silly behavior ends soon so she can share her words, experience and thoughts about grief A wife and mom to three unique teenagers, she is a thriving and internationally recognized writer and anxiety coach, with 25 years experience in training and business. Her passion is helping others to truly understand that their life stories hold the key to healing and connecting with others.
Certified EFT/Tapping Coach/Muscle testing Creator of the 3-Steps to Freedom Method